Conflict… “No, I’d rather not.”

Conflict is inescapable

When differences arise in congregational life, most of us would rather be somewhere else. Yet conflict is inescapable in human relationships, including congregations. What deserves our attention is how we respond to it.

Rather than avoiding the responsibility of conflict, congregations can engage it as a task that connects spirituality, community, and culture.

1. Connect your response to conflict with spiritual growth

Some communities treat conflict as a sign of being less spiritual, rather than as a pathway for honing spirituality. Theological touchstones can help people stay grounded amid the uncertainty and emotion that conflict arouses.

Reflect on the higher purpose served by engaging a particular difference. For the sake of what would we open the conversation? How does this connect with our spiritual purpose as a community?

2. Reflect on the cost of avoiding

When differences are not dealt with constructively early on, their cost grows. Differences of perspective can lead to disagreement, discord, and polarization. It is wise to acknowledge and learn from difference before it escalates into unnecessary division.

Consider honestly: What is the cost to our ministry, relationships, and living faith if we do not respond constructively? Are we willing to pay that cost?

3. Change and conflict are linked

Changes in decision-making structures, leadership transition, or worship style can bring tension. Leaders can anticipate this and create significant opportunities for communication among a cross-section of the membership. When people speak at one another rather than with one another, positions harden and the capacity to meet an adaptive challenge diminishes.

4. Engaging difference is holy work

In a polarized culture, congregations can model ways of dealing with difference that foster healing, reconciliation, and understanding. Communities can cultivate appreciation of otherness, an ability to hold tension in life-giving ways, a sense of voice and agency, and a capacity to create community.

Can religious communities become greenhouses of the spirit, offering healthy ways to work with and through conflict, for themselves and their neighborhoods? These are essential questions for the cultural and spiritual task of overcoming polarization.